What not to expect from marriage counseling

POSTED January 1, 2014  

Getting married is easy; staying happily married is hard.  One of the overlooked requirements for getting and staying married is being an adult, which includes the maturity to give and receive.  All healthy relationships reflect the universal law of taking turns.  Just like many of us had the opportunity to learn in kindergarten, everybody gets a turn; none get to eat the whole candy bar; we share.

Don’t expect to enter marriage counseling to get your partner to change.  Enter prepared to make changes yourself.  Actually, whether your partner changes or not is none of your business.  Don’t let the pain keep you focused on blaming.

For each behavior you desire from your partner, be prepared to give your partner their desired behavior.  For each change you desire, be prepared to make a change yourself.   A satisfying marriage relationship calls each partner to make regular deposits in each other’s emotional bank accounts.  When we have sufficient emotional reserves, we can tolerate more frustration and give more grace to those close to us.

Getting married is easy; staying married in a satisfying relationship is effortful; it will make you sweat.  Yet, when we learn effective relational skills and practice them, we grow.  When we get stuck and don’t know what to do next, we ask for help.  All this requires that we be adults who are open to growing and maturing.

 

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